Fate

July 14, 2005 11:33 PM

Why does a phantom have to hide his face from the one he has been admiring all along? There was a fear he anticipated: Rejection. The only thing he could do is dream... until the opportunity is gradually lost.

Feeling that you’re beside me, the darkness that swallows my inner consciousness disappears. Saying that I love you may mean nothing to you. It could lead to an event I least expect.

The most powerful words I’ve always asked for can’t necessarily be granted. Still, thinking about you is the greatest instance I could imagine not living without.

The point where decisions pay off is the most crucial part of life. Therefore it is up to you to choose your destiny.

When will this flame inside me stop flaring up? Only when I’m burned enough will this fire calm down. The heat that penetrates my skin continues to increase dramatically. I’m turning to ashes, to a state when one is already broken into pieces.

Feel the wind blowing. I’m feeling it. It counteracts the flaring mind I’ve been carrying with me. Soft voices are heard from somewhere in my mind: Trust me. Love me. Dream with me.

 

At Last I Did It

July 12, 2005 4:47 PM

Early this morning, I was feeling something different, something positive. I was filled with energy, and I noticed it in a weird manner. I was taking my bath and I felt that the water was not so cold, even if the dorm doesn't have a heater. This feeling only happens to me once in a blue moon, so I was actually amazed about it.

Since I woke up at 6:30 am, I wasn't able to rush to the canteen. So I asked Hadee to get my food.

When I entered the classroom, I felt my stomach begging for food, so I searched for Hadee. Then there he was... without anything. So, I wasn't able to eat. Good thing my mood kicked away the frustration.

And during our Computer Science period, I got "curses" from my groupmates because I didn't make our visual aid for the presentation. It was because, at about 10 pm last night, I got jealous of my roommates since they were already sleeping. So we ended up just using the board and the chalk. It was a good thing our report went well.

After our report, I secretly turned on the computer. I wanted to find the syntax for overflow. I really wanted to learn the code in order for me to use Cascading Style Sheet. It was being used by most of my classmates, so I wanted to use it also.

During our research period, I finished my site’s home page layout. Also, I already applied CSS. Well, I was able to read and analyze some of the codes in the internet. Yahoo!

Then, we had our batch party. We used the prizes we got from our winnings during the Kadi. We ranked first, both in Pisayawan and MTV and second in the Singing Competition.

I showed my site to some of my friends. I became "a bit" boastful that time. But I was only too proud to my work. I was just being optimistic, so that I would have this motivation to continue updating and renewing my site.

Then, here I am now, making my second entry. Later, I will be finishing the whole layout of my site. I just hope that better ideas would continually enter my brain.

 

The Butterfly

June 25, 2005 11:40 PM

My last year here in Pisay is cooler than I expected. Although I already failed in some of my Physics3, Chemistry3, and Biology3 quizzes, I still feel that there's something that makes me interested in every class discussion... (except Biology, though).

The picture above is really nice. My chatmate gave it to me months ago and I just wanted to put it in my site 'cause I want to tell its message.

Reflection time... about my time management.

During the first days of 4th Year High, I was actually able to discipline myself in the sense that I was able to control what I would be doing and what I would not. But one week after, I was already sleeping at 11 to 12 pm and that's not nice, as what I've learned.

As far as I can remember, I've been wasting my time chatting, texting, and playing games. The thing is, I would be cramming all my requirements.

If time is the fire in which I burn, until now, I'm still raw. I still can't be eaten and I still smell awful (just an analogy).

Aside from the things mentioned above, there was also this thing I did which took me two days to finish and make my conclusion.

I've been reflecting about her, about the way she made a part of me. I was hopeless that time for the things I could not explain. I feel that I am not for her but something is dragging me to her.

There was actually a time when I got annoyed. She got angry at me and I didn't find any reason for her to feel that way. I didn't do anything wrong. I believe I didn't.

I was thinking about these for two days. But then, I remembered that someone told me about the butterfly principle. I don't have to go after her and act like a stalker. I just need to open my palms. She will just land there if her fate is in my hands.

I want to manage my time; I need to. Definitely, I should not be speeding it up or slowing it down. I just have to manage and prioritize my work to fit the time alloted for me.

In any case, the butterfly will just land if it's time... to anybody who owns half of her heart.